I Think You're Muted
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I Think You're Muted
#18 Strategies for a Peaceful and Joyful Festive Season
What if you could navigate the holiday season with more authenticity and less stress? Discover how maintaining a peaceful presence and using your voice can transform family gatherings from a battleground into a haven of joy and connection. As I share my own journey through Thanksgiving's emotional minefields, we'll uncover the wisdom of setting boundaries, expressing gratitude, and even choosing silence to protect our mental health. Prepare to equip yourself with practical strategies to align more closely with your values, ensuring that your holiday experiences are filled with genuine connections and not marred by lingering tensions.
Join me as we explore tips to foster harmony at holiday gatherings. From limiting alcohol to embracing active listening, each step is designed to help create a joyful atmosphere where laughter thrives. Let go of the pressure of perfection and learn how self-compassion can reshape your festive experiences. This isn't just about surviving the holidays but thriving in them. As we wrap up, get ready for next week's exciting interviews with inspiring women who are amplifying their voices. Until then, take care and revel in the holidays with newfound peace and presence.
Welcome to I Think You're Muted the podcast empowering professional women to step up, speak out and be heard. I'm Dr Stephanie Dean and after hearing I think you're muted one too many times in meetings, I realized that many of us are living our lives on mute. Your voice is your most powerful tool and in each episode you'll not only get the strategies and stories to help you find it, but now we're diving deeper into the tools and technology that amplify your voice in today's digital first world. Ready to turn up the volume on your impact, let's dive in.
Speaker 2:Before we dive into today's episode, I've got a little something that's going to light a fire into your podcasting dreams. If you've ever thought I'd love to start a podcast but then got stuck thinking where do I even start? What mic do I need? How do I actually make people listen, I have got your back, my course. Podcasting Made Easy is the no-fluff step-by-step guide to take you from idea to oh my God, I'm doing it. You'll learn how to develop your voice, produce like a pro and share your message with the world, all without the tech headaches or second guessing, because, like we like to say around here and what we truly believe, the world needs your voice. Are you ready to make it happen? Head to drstephaniedeancom slash podcast made easy and you'll find that podcasting magic.
Speaker 2:Everyone it's Dr Stephanie Dean here, and welcome back to my podcast. It is officially holiday season, and that is usually a time of joy or togetherness and, well more often than not, a time of a lot of tension. For many of us, the dinner table is where worlds collide. Families with strong personalities or lingering conflicts or wildly different views especially coming off an election season like this one gather together. So first let's talk about why the holidays often bring out the best, and sometimes the worst, in us. The holidays are steeped in tradition and expectation. We picture perfect meals, smiling faces, warm moments of connection. We Clark Griswold all over the holidays. Right, but the pressure to make everything perfect often leads to stress. So a Pew Research study recently found that political polarization in America is at its highest point in decades. Duh right, but that means more than ever families that are gathering together right now and are entering this holiday season. They're entering it with opposing worldviews, but you do not have to carry the weight of everyone's emotions. I'm going to say that again you don't have to carry the weight and the obligation of everyone's emotions.
Speaker 2:A few Thanksgivings ago I had one that almost broke me. I attended a Thanksgiving dinner where two of my relatives got into a heated argument right in the middle of dessert. I remember sitting there and my heart started racing and I was unsure if I should jump in or if I should stay quiet. I didn't want to escalate things and I didn't know how to diffuse it. So later that night I lay down and still really stressed about the situation, not knowing what to do, really trying to think about how could I have handled this differently, and I realized there's nothing I could have done. I couldn't have diffused it, I couldn't do anything, but I can only control how I respond to it. So I started practicing what I call peaceful presence, showing up authentically and prioritizing my mental health. And that brings us to today's focus.
Speaker 2:We talk so much this time of year about how you should have gratitude and should have gratitude that I want to talk about how to protect your peace while staying true to yourself. So I want to start by saying this you're not alone If the holidays bring more stress than joy. It's kind of normal. You're human. But there are tools and mindsets and strategies you can use to protect your peace and show up in ways that feel aligned with your values. So today we're going to be talking about how to be intentional with your voice, whether that means speaking up or setting boundaries or saying nothing at all. So by the end of today's podcast, I want you to walk away with practical ways to use your voice while protecting your peace Sounds pretty good to me.
Speaker 2:So Thanksgiving is one of those times that can be amazing and a little overwhelming no-transcript silence. Use your voice with intention. Using your voice with intention is about protecting your peace. It's about being true to yourself and making decisions that align with your values. So let's start with gratitude first. It's what everyone talks about this time of year.
Speaker 2:Using your voice to express gratitude is one of the most powerful things you can do, if it's at work or at home or just in your community. Taking a moment to say thank you, I appreciate you or you mean a lot to me, can create real, meaningful connections. When you do that, it doesn't just uplift the other person, it strengthens your relationship. So saying that to someone else feels overwhelming. Try writing a note or sending a thoughtful message, or even recording a quick video. Sometimes these small, intentional acts can mean the world to someone. So this Thanksgiving, I challenge you to take a moment to share that gratitude. Maybe it's a family member you're thankful for or a mentor who's been there for you, speak up. It doesn't have to be a big speech. A simple, heartfelt thank you can change everything. Simplifying positivity can be contagious.
Speaker 2:Now, gratitude is great, but let's talk about some boundaries too, because using your voice is not always about speaking up. Sometimes it's about recognizing when silence is the best option. There are many different ways to set boundaries and stay silent. It could mean changing the subject or politely excusing yourself, or simply not reacting to something that doesn't serve you. We've all been there. We've all been sitting at that dinner table. That one conversation comes up, the one that makes you feel drained or uncomfortable, just like immediately this year, especially if you need time or space, it is completely okay. Boundaries aren't selfish. They're necessary. They help you conserve your energy for the people and the conversations that truly matter.
Speaker 2:There are degrees of boundary setting, too. It might be as simple as stepping away from a conversation or using a neutral response like let's agree to disagree, or as involved as deciding not to attend an event that impacts your piece. If you're worried about confrontation, practice those responses in advance. Rehearsing boundary-setting phrases can help you feel more confident when that moment arises. And remember there are so many ways to choose silence. You could stay quiet and observe. You could shift focus. You could decide not to engage at all. Choosing silence in these moments is an act of strength and it's all about protecting your energy and your mental health.
Speaker 2:Silence can be active nodding along without engaging, redirecting your focus to someone else, or even taking deep breaths to center yourself. Before responding, remember you're not obligated to engage with every topic, and taking care of your mental space is a priority. If you need a strategy to firmly but respectfully shut down a conversation, try saying something like I appreciate your perspective, but I'd rather focus on enjoying our time together without diving into this topic. Another option could be this conversation is important, but I don't think now is the best time for it. Let's revisit it later, if we need to. This sets clear boundaries while maintaining respect for the other person. You can also use nonverbal cues, like changing your posture or redirecting attention to something else, to signal that you're ready to move on. It helps shift the focus and lets them know that you're not interested in engaging further on that subject and, if needed, follow up with a change in topic or even excuse yourself politely. It's about being firm but kind and ultimately protecting your peace.
Speaker 2:The real power here lies in recognizing. It's your choice Whether you decide to speak up or stay quiet. It's entirely up to you. You're the one in control of your voice and that's what makes it powerful. It's not just about what you say, it's about when and why you say it, and sometimes, just not saying anything is just as powerful as speaking up. So if you find yourself in that situation, you just need to find ways of stepping back or stepping away.
Speaker 2:I want to give you 10 actionable tips to safeguard your peace this holiday season. Tip one ground yourself before the gathering. The holidays can feel like stepping into an emotional roller coaster. Before the noise starts, take a moment for yourself. Even five minutes of mindfulness can make all the difference.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you a story about Sarah. Every year she dreaded Thanksgiving because her family always arrived with emotional baggage, often a little sidecar of passive-aggressive. But last year she decided to try something different. Before the chaos began, she spent 10 minutes sitting in her parked car just breathing deeply. She focused on a mantra. I can't control them, but I can control how I respond. So I'm going to guide you through an exercise here.
Speaker 2:There's a quick grounding exercise that you can try before walking into that event. Sit somewhere quiet. I want you to take a slow, deep breath in through your nose for four counts, hold your breath for four counts and then exhale slowly through your mouth for six counts. Repeat this three times, focusing on the sensation of that breath. Repeat this three times, focusing on the sensation of that breath. This technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which tells your brain it's okay, we do not need to fight, we do not need to flight, we do not need to freeze, you can relax. Mindfulness practices not only lower cortisol, which is your stress hormone, but it also increases the emotional resilience that you have. This means you're more likely to stay calm when things get tough. Okay, step two set clear boundaries.
Speaker 2:Holidays can be tricky because people often push and they know right. They know how to push your buttons. They often push these boundaries without even realizing it. We have established patterns and it just it's time to break them. So setting limits ahead of time can help you avoid unnecessary stress.
Speaker 2:I had a listener once share with me not too long ago that she used to dread Christmas dinner because her uncle always brought up politics every year. So one year she decided to address it head on. A few days before the gathering she called him and said hey, uncle Joe, I know we have different opinions, but I'd love to focus on catching up this year. Let's save the debates for another time. To her surprise, he agreed that simple conversation. That simple, just five-minute conversation or even not even five minutes shifted the dynamic and made the day so much more enjoyable. Everybody had a good time. That boundary setting is shifted the dynamic and made the day so much more enjoyable. Everybody had a good time.
Speaker 2:That boundary setting is practical and it works. Just say I'd rather not discuss politics today. Let's talk about what's new with you. Or you could say thanks for asking, but you know I'm not really comfortable sharing details about that today. Let's move on. Let's talk about the turkey.
Speaker 2:So remember boundaries are not just about shutting people out. They're about creating a safe space for yourself. It's okay if setting boundaries feels awkward at first. It's going to feel awkward at first. It's an act of self-care and it gets easier with practice. So tip three bring lighthearted conversation starters. One of the easiest ways to diffuse tension is to steer conversations toward positivity. Having a few lighthearted topics ready can save the day. There's actually a game it's, I think, danish, because the word is Danish called Hygge, and it literally is a hard deck full of conversation starters and there's so many different games and you can pull some online too Conversation starters. Find five or ten of them, have them in your pocket, have them ready, pull them out for when you know.
Speaker 2:Aunt Janine asks your senior in college what are you going to do with the rest of your life? And your senior in college is like, uh no, we don't need to do that today. So instead let's say hey, I've got this question. What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in the kitchen? Within minutes, the room could be filled with laughter and the tension will evaporate. Doing something like that can just set laughter ablaze in the kitchen instead of your turkey or your senior, who does not want to hear the question what's your next step? What's the next thing in your future? So here's a few conversation starters you can try. If you don't want to pull any offline. You can say what's the best thing you've eaten this year. Or you could say if you could instantly master a new skill, what would it be? Or what's one funny or awkward holiday memory you'll never forget. These questions create space for connection and laughter, which are the ultimate tension breakers.
Speaker 2:Okay, tip number four limit alcohol. Alcohol can loosen tongues and lower inhibitions, but it can also amplify emotions and escalate conflicts. I had a friend actually tell me about a Christmas Eve where she had one too many eggnogs and that led to a heated argument between her and her dad. That started as a lighthearted debate over football and, granted, I'm in the South right now, so football here is kind of religion, so I can see how that would go that way but it turned into this shouting match and the rest of the night was just painfully awkward. So next year she decided to pace herself with one drink per hour and alternated with water. The difference no blowups, no hangover and a much more peaceful evening. So for this year, consider bringing a fun non-alcoholic option like sparkling cider or mocktails.
Speaker 2:Sometimes the act of holding a drink, alcoholic or not, can help you feel more at ease in social situations. So tip number five know when to step away. It is okay to take breaks If the energy feels too intense. Give yourself permission to just step away, it's okay. So a few Thanksgivings ago, tensions were running high between same two relatives that had a fight over dessert. You're seeing a pattern here. But rather than getting sucked into the drama, I excused myself and I went for a walk. By the time I came back, the argument had fizzled out. Everybody was fine.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, if it makes you very anxious, distance is the best tool for maintaining your peace. Other things you can do besides go take a walk, because sometimes that's not really an option you can offer to help in the kitchen. You can just go around the block. You can find a quiet corner to text a friend or scroll through photos of your dog, or scroll through photos of your dog. Stepping away is not about giving up. It's about choosing peace over conflict. Again, it's active, it's an active choice. So, tip number six practice active listening.
Speaker 2:Listening is one of the most underrated tools for de-escalating tension. Sometimes people just want to feel heard. I had a cousin who was venting about work and instead of jumping in with advice which is what we all try to do right, we want to fix it. I said wow, that sounds like a lot to deal with. How are you holding up? Her face just softened and she was like well, thank you for listening. I didn't try to fix her. I just was there to listen and to empathize and to hear more about her story. So when someone's upset, instead of trying to fix the situation, try saying something like man, that sounds really hard, or I can see why you'd feel that way. Or tell me more about that. Validation does not mean agreement. It just simply shows that you care. If you can hear my dog snoring, I apologize. I have a decent mic so I hope you can't. But wow, he is sawing logs down there at my feet.
Speaker 2:So tip number seven create moments of joy, shared laughter and fun activities. That was not even planned to have a giggly moment about my dog with tip number seven, but there it is. So again, tip number seven create moments of joy, share laughter. Have fun activities that can transform the energy of a gathering. You can play a game like Pictionary or Trivia. There's that game that you play on your phone where you flip it up and down. It's sort of like charades. You can watch a classic holiday movie or share funny and heartwarming memories from the past year. Joy is contagious and it's one of the best ways to connect.
Speaker 2:So tip number eight release perfectionism. Tell Clark Griswold to pack his tree and his squirrel and go home. Not everything is going to go according to plan and you know what. That's okay. That's okay. So tip number nine have an exit strategy. If you are staying overnight, make sure you have a way to decompress. You could bring a journal or a book and escape for a bit. You could plan an errand or an outing to give yourself some breathing room. You don't have to stay in a difficult situation all the time. It is okay to take a break day. In a difficult situation all the time, it is okay to take a break Intentional, with meaning. And tip number 10, finally, be kind to yourself.
Speaker 2:The holidays don't have to be perfect, and neither do you. It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need to do everything, buy everything, be everything or fix everything. But here's the truth it's okay to just be, to just simply be. So Thanksgiving is actually my favorite holiday. I made sure when my kids were small because we lived in Sweden and, of course, thanksgiving is an American holiday. We made sure to celebrate every year because I wanted them to know what it was and I wanted them to understand. It doesn't have to be about presents, it doesn't have to be about anything but just hanging out, and it was one of my most peaceful holidays because it was just literally about chilling out, hanging with your friends, hanging with your family. You don't have to have the perfect table, the perfect turkey, the perfect meal or anything. It's just being with the people that you actually want to be with and hanging out and enjoying it, and that's all you need to do. Sometimes, the most memorable moments come from the imperfect ones.
Speaker 2:So this holiday season, I want you to give yourself the gift of self-compassion. If something doesn't go as planned, laugh it off. If you need a moment to yourself, take it, and if you feel overwhelmed, remind yourself you're doing your best and that's enough. As we head into Thanksgiving, let's be intentional about how we use our voices. Let's amplify messages of gratitude, set healthy boundaries when needed, and remember that silence can be just as powerful as speaking up. This holiday, let's prioritize connection and positivity and peace.
Speaker 2:So, before we wrap up, I want to leave you with one final thought. This was a shorty, but that's okay, because it is Thanksgiving today. As this drops, I want to leave you with one final thought. If you have the power to shape your holiday experience, it doesn't matter if the table is perfectly set or if everyone agrees on every topic. What matters is that you show up authentically and prioritize your well-being. So here's my challenge to you what's one thing you'll do differently this holiday season to protect your peace? Thank you for spending this time with me. Next week we'll be back with regularly scheduled programming. We have got three really cool interviews lined up. I'm so excited to start sharing with you diverse voices of women who are amplifying their voices. Until next time, take care and happy holidays. Bye.